Beautiful Words
by alliemart
Summary: For the third time in her life, Richard Castle has saved her with nothing more than his beautiful words. Post Kill Shot.
1. Beautiful Words

Kate Beckett sighs as she steps into her apartment, relishing in the darkness that envelopes her. She slips off her heels, deposits her bag next to them on the floor, and heads straight for the sofa.

She collapses on the cushions in a daze, staring blankly at the ceiling. After what feels like hours, she drags herself into a sitting position and releases her hair from its tight bun. As the curls tumble over her shoulders, some brushing her face, she sweeps them immediately up again. Her hair down and loose is just too chaotic; she needs control over at least one aspect of her life.

Her stomach rumbles; she doesn't remember the last time she's eaten a decent meal. She tries to push herself off the couch, but settles instead for keeling over and curling into a fetal position, as the effort sends flames of pain shooting through her chest and abdomen. She is too weak to move, too weak to even protest as tears threaten to break past their barricades. Pathetic. She has never been more grateful for her dark, empty apartment.

The darkness is comfortable, it's safe, a false sense of security. In the darkness, she can lay there, not moving, until she feels human again, well, almost. In the darkness, there are no flashes to mirror the reflection of a sniper rifle. In the darkness, it doesn't feel as real; more like a terrible nightmare and less like a memory. In the darkness, she can pretend she's fine, because she doesn't have to pretend she's fine.

No one can see her in the darkness; they can't see the fear hidden deep in her eyes or the tears she constantly fights so desperately against. They can't see when she breaks; the darkness hides the fault lines of her shattered heart. She is growing quite fond of the darkness; yet, as she thinks back to the night before, she can't help but think what else it symbolizes. Huddled on the floor with only her gun and a bottle of whiskey for comfort, hiding. Hiding from what, her mind?

Yes, the darkness also means loneliness. Coming home to a dark, empty apartment means coming home to nothing. Normally, she would have found serenity in the solitude and the silence, but on nights like tonight, she needs the reassurance of hope. She hasn't truly felt hope for twelve years.

Her mother had been her light, anchoring and brightening their little family with her loving and carefree personality. Her mother had been taken from her. Katherine Beckett has no light; she is alone in the dark. What's that saying, darkness is just the absence of light? She assumes the saying is meant to be reassuring, but she can only reminisce on how fitting it is. She is the darkness, too broken to be loved.

Castle thinks he loves her, but she can't fathom how he possibly could; he knows better than anyone just how damaged she is. He had only whispered those three words out of fear, because she was dying, she reminds herself harshly. His confession was uttered in the face of death, not in life- in the darkness as opposed to light.

She can't let herself hope, even for a second, that what he said was real because, even though she prefers the darkness, she doesn't trust it. She feels like she's on her ninth life, she must guard herself even more carefully; her heart can't survive being broken again, not when it had never truly healed the first time around.

She is running herself ragged; she hasn't eaten a decent meal in days, and she hasn't slept in even longer. She knows she needs to snap out of it, but she can't seem to make herself care. She knows she needs to find a way to get herself out of this dark place, but she refuses to call Dr. Burke. The weekly meetings with her therapist help more than she would like to admit, but she is not going to take time away from his family because she can't get a handle on herself. She refuses to show that weakness; instead, she remains curled in a ball on her sofa, desperately trying and failing to control her emotions.

A knock on the door slowly rouses her from her trance. Too disoriented to think better of it, she slowly makes her way to the door, opening it first without checking the peephole.

The area in front of her is empty; she looks around in confusion until her eyes are finally drawn to her feet. Sitting on top of a sleek black box are three cartons of Chinese takeout and a note, in his blocky handwriting, kindly telling her to please, please eat something.

As she bends down to retrieve the delivery, she checks her father's watch and briefly wonders how he had managed to get takeout at nearly midnight. Though she doesn't have much time to contemplate the thought, as the scent of the food finally reaches her and sends her into a frenzy; she hadn't realized how absolutely starving she is.

She barely manages to lock the door and flick the lights on before collapsing to the floor in the entryway, practically shoveling the food into her mouth.

It isn't until she's polished off her meal, in record time, that she remembers the black box. She brings the box to her lap, unwraps it, and gently pulls out a bound manuscript. _Unspoken_. The line printed directly below the title reads: _An Alternate Ending to _Heat Rises.

She cradles it in her arms as she stands and makes her way to her bedroom, washing her face and changing into her pajamas in a state of near shock. She climbs into bed, reverently picking up the book and opening it. Tears well in her eyes as she reads the dedication: _To the extraordinary KB. To fill the silence_.

She finally allows herself to break down and cry, releasing everything she has been trying to hold in since her Captain and friend had sacrificed himself for her. She feels her tears begin to diminish the iron-clad grip of the darkness, allowing the closest thing to peace she can remember to settle over her.

She doesn't get a chance to read any further, though, as she falls into a deep and healing slumber with the book clutched tightly to her chest.

For the third time in her life, Richard Castle has saved her with nothing more than his beautiful words.


	2. An Alternate Ending

_A/N: For MooseandSquirrel, who requested a sequel. Better late than never, right? Hope I did it justice!  
Oh, also? I don't own _Castle_, __I forgot to mention that before- __although, I doubt I had any of you fooled for even a minute..._

* * *

_...  
_

_The room was bright when Nikki woke, too bright for a hospital room. She lifted her head and blinked a few times, trying to remember what it was that had woken her. It wasn't until the movement stopped that she realized it had been there at all. _

_She sat up quickly, causing her vision to spin, but she didn't care. There had been a hand moving through her hair- his hand. She felt the tears welling up in her eyes, but despite her efforts, she couldn't stop them from falling. She wasn't even sure if she wanted to._

_The doctors had told her he was stable, for now, but they couldn't be sure when he would wake up and they wouldn't know how bad the damage was until he did. Nikki had tried to be at the hospital at all times, because she didn't want him to wake alone. She had succeeded for the first few days, before the boys and his mother finally kicked her out, telling her they could hold down the fort while she went home for a good night's sleep- except she had barely slept a wink. She was just as afraid to wake up alone; when she did, it was near impossible to convince herself that he had only taken his dying breath cradled in her arms in her nightmares, and that he was really alive and well, or as well as one could be in a coma, in a hospital bed. Alone._

_That last thought caused her breath to catch painfully in her chest; but he wasn't alone in a coma in his hospital bed, he was awake and smiling at her. Oh God, he was smiling at her. The realization wrenched a desperate sob from a dark place deep inside her. His hand began to move again, carding gently through her hair as she finally let herself feel everything she had been trying so valiantly to suppress. When her tears had stopped flowing and she was once again able to take a full breath, she looked up at him again. He was still beaming._

_"I love you, Nikki Heat; you can't get rid of me that easily." _

_And somewhere, buried beneath the joy and different responses fighting to be acknowledged first, she wondered just how long he had been waiting to say that.__  
_

* * *

Kate's eyes well with tears, once again, as she closes the manuscript; though, the moisture that rolls down her cheeks now is of a much more contended nature than the broken sobs she had cried last night. Somehow, he always knows just what she needs to hear- or, in this case, read.

Obviously, she had picked up on the parallels between _Heat Rises _and her own shooting, but she hadn't realized just how much those similarities had haunted her. Nikki is stuck in a state of Limbo- the same one that Kate finds herself fighting to get out of. Now, seeing that all is well (or soon will be) in the world of her alter ego gives her hope that someday, she too can be whole again.

If anything, this confirms, not only the truth of the words Castle had spoken after she had been shot (when he thought she may have been taking _her_ dying breath), but also, how much she needs him. This in mind, Kate allows herself, for the first time, to think that it may not be such a bad thing.

On her way to the shower, Kate risks a glance in the mirror; she looks awful, but she still smiles, feeling more like herself than she has in a very long time.

* * *

For the first time in, well, ever, Kate Beckett is glad the Captain had forced her to take the day off. She shows up at Castle's loft at ten, armed with the first of one hundred cups of coffee and a smile, for him. He needs to know, and she's determined to say all that she's capable of right now.

He opens the door, taking a bit longer than usual, looking sleepy and disheveled. There's no way she could have woken him up; she shakes her head at his antics.

"Beckett?"

His voice is hoarse, he had definitely been asleep. Her smile softens.

"Last night, you said you were looking for your partner? Well, you're the one that found her. Thank you, Rick."


End file.
